It’s not your emergency……
One of, in my opinion, the best statements that has ever been said to me. “It’s not your emergency, it’s theirs.”
When I was going through my EMT training, my instructor said this to the class one night. These words have resonated with me in more ways than one. Working as a 911 dispatcher, this is a very important lesson to learn early on in your career. If you treat the caller’s emergency as if it were your own, you’re going to get just as stressed out as they are and you may end up doing harm instead of helping. Now that’s not to say that when you can obviously tell there is something serious on the other end of the line, that you won’t sit up a bit straighter, listen more intently, or let the caller know that you’re here to help with the tone of your voice.
I will never be able to change the way I react to the sound of the caller’s voice. I know that sometimes it’s very difficult to detach yourself from the caller’s situation. You can relate to a lot of the callers on a personal level. I know I can. But we as dispatchers have to remember that we are only there to provide assistance and get them the help that they need.
I had a caller one time that was at the convenient store with a male “friend”. she called while he was inside the store and said she wanted to get away from him because he was abusive. she was scared that when he came back outside, and she wasn’t there, he would get angry and hurt her again. I told her that I could send the police to help her, but she didn’t want to cause a scene and get him in trouble. Then she decided to let me know that her parents only lived across the highway and down he road a bit. She said she was going to walk to her parent’s house. I told her that if she felt safe enough to do that, then I would stay on the phone with her while she walked. The female started telling me about her life with her “friend” and how it came to be what it was. I tried my best to relate to her on a personal level, but having never been through this situation, it was difficult for me. I did my best to give her advice and tell her that she was worth so much more than what she was getting from her “friend”.
The female made it to her parent’s house, but she was still concerned that the male may try to come after her. She said that her parent’s were not home at the time and she didn’t feel completely safe. I told her to lock all the doors when she got inside and stay in the house until one of her parent’s returned home. She could then explain the situation to them and hopefully get the help that she needed.
I received no accolades, no “Job well done”, no pat on the back. Nothing. That’s not what we’re here for. We are here to help people in their time of need. We help them with THEIR EMERGENCIES.
This statement can translate to your home life in the same ways. If your kids are having an existential crisis, just remember, you’re only there to help them. Not take over and fix the problem for them. Kids need to experience the stress of their own emergencies so that they can handle the next problem they encounter. Mind you, this is all just my opinion. My husband and I do this with our children. When they have an emergency, they are left to try to work it out on their own first. If it is a TRUE emergency (medical or life threatening), of course we intervene and do what we can as parents to help them. But their emergencies still aren’t ours. When your spouse or partner has an emegency, I have found out that it helps me to treat it the same way I would treat a 911 caller. I may not ask the exact same questions, but I am able to detach myself just enough to help him through the situation and not be just as stressed out as he is. The same goes for him helping me. My husband is NOT a first responder in any way, but he is able to detach and compartmentalize enough to help me figure out a solution to whatever is causing me problems.
When my family needs me, i’ll be there. When I’m on shift and that 911 line rings, I’ll always pick it up. I just have to remember, “It’s not my emergency, it’s theirs.”