Dealing with a Bad Call
We all have to go through it at some point in our careers. A devastating call. Whether it be the loss of life or property, we can feel it almost as if we were there. I will never forget the first time I had to experience it.
I was a new trainee. Only about 2 months into my career. I was just starting to answer the 911 lines at my center. I believe the date was October 14th. It was probably in the neighborhood of 2200 hours. The phone rings, so I pick it up like I’m supposed to. The voice that I heard on the other end of that line will stay with me forever. I heard panic, fear, and pain. I heard a mom that was experiencing the ACTUAL worst moment of her entire life.
She spouted off very quickly the address and her name. Then she said the words that no one ever wants to say, especially a mother. “My baby’s not breathing!” The little bit of training I had wanted to kick in so badly, but hearing her when I answered the phone had me in a panic as well. I looked to my trainer for guidance, but he knew I was more than capable of handling this situation. So we got started with CPR instructions. She informed me that she was an RN so she had already started CPR, but the baby was not responding to her efforts.
I started counting out loud with her just to make sure she kept going and didn’t give up. I didn’t think she would if for no other reason than the simple fact that this was her child. Her baby that she carried, delivered, and loved unconditionally. This momma was living a literal nightmare. We did everything we could to help the baby until EMS arrived.
Now, having 2 kids of my own, and my daughter only being a couple years older than this child, this call hit home….HARD. I cried for this momma. My heart ached for this momma. When the ambulance arrived, they took over the resuscitation efforts and I had to disconnect. The paramedics were on scene for at least half an hour before they transported the child to our local hospital.
That was one of the hardest things I would ever have to do during my career. Hang up the phone with no closure. I had no idea whether the baby was still alive or if he had left this earth. I could not let it go. I had to find out if our efforts that night were successful. I tried all night to reach one of the paramedics that were involved with that call. Somebody please tell me SOMETHING!!! It wasn’t until the next morning while I was at my son’s soccer game that I FINALLY got word.
He didn’t make it………
All of the effort, the CPR, the ventilations, the rapid intervention from out EMS unit, the doctors at the hospital. Nothing could have saved that child. No matter how bad we wanted it to. Unfortunately, he was most likely already gone by the time momma went to check on him. I’ll never know for certain what it was that happened to the baby that night. If I had to guess, which I really don’t want to, but if I HAD to, I would assume that SIDS had reared it’s ugly head and taken another innocent without explanation.
I have had other difficult calls since then, but this one will stay with me forever. I’m not haunted by the fact that we could’t save him. I was Able to process it and move on, but I will never forget the way that momma sounded in her darkest hour. If I could turn back time and do it again, I would have done the same thing. Talked her through CPR instructions, ventilations, and dispatched EMS. Unfortunately, being on the other side of a phone, that’s all we really CAN do. But, more often than not, that ends up being enough.
Hold your babies tighter and thank whatever that you have them. That momma will never be able to do that now. My heart still goes out to her every time I think about her.